The Oval Office
(Union of Socialist American Republics)
Well, Comrade President, where will you go to celebrate the holy week? The nation is on pins and needles.
What? Is it Ramadan already?
N-no, Comrade President, for you it’s Easter; for me, Passover.
Oh, I suppose I’ll leave it to Michelle, but that may mean attending a coven, eh? Heh, heh, a little joke, Rahm.
I suggest a church this time around. In four years it won’t matter anymore.
OK. Find one that doesn’t mind abortion or gay marriage.
It’ll probably have to be in Chicago, then. Rev Wright or Rev Pfleger?
No, no! Find one in DC and, for God’s sake, keep them out of it!
As you wish. We still have statements to make on the Korean missile and the Somali pirates.
What to do! So many problems all at once! What would Jimmy Carter do?
Er, don’t go there, Comrade, he procrastinated on Iran and caused the hostage crisis. One term, remember?
Yes, Rahm, you are correct of course. Very well, withhold all aid to Japan to appease Korea, and blow the lifeboat out of the water.
But, Comrade President, the Captain held hostage! He will die!
Oh, yeah. OK, then, swap the destroyer for the Captain.
But then they’ll be even more dangerous!
Get them to sign a treaty first, of course, saying they will be good from now on.
As you wish, Comrade President.
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Last modified: April 10, 2009